Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Ground Hog's Day

Took Lennon to pediatrician ... it's a virus... woo hoo! Not the DS making her not eat!
Praise God... a fixable something :)
Silver lining, people. It's my "Winning!"

Every day it's the same thing. Lennon does not like food.

As much as I wish I did not like food, as her mother, she has to eat. It is my job to feed her on a regular basis. Why does she not like food? Is this a Down Syndrome thing? Yes. "Food Aversion" they call it. NOTHING gets me more frustrated than waking up every morning to this same battle. BATTLE... battle of wills. And she wins EVERY TIME.

I pray, I ask for guidance, I ask for wisdom, I ask for a miracle. I get ... nothing. No difference.
Every day, same thing... She spits it out. She chews the nipple. She clamps her mouth shut. She cries. She fights me to get away. Her belly is growling, for food. I can HEAR it. WHY would she not eat? WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY? WHY? Can you feel my frustration? She has to be hungry!

We go through phases.... she will be eating GREAT for a month, or a few weeks... We are making progresses with textures and increasing food amounts....and then she gets a snotty nose and it all comes to a screeching halt. Even after the snot it gone and she is all better... Nothing. Back to square one. We start all over for a month or more.... Then she gradually increases, ounces and then gradually back to trying different textures.... Progress! Then, she gets a snotty nose and back to square one.

These are the days I have bad bad thoughts as a mom. I just want to throw the towel in and scream ... "I give up! I cannot do this!" These are the days where I cry all the time because my frustration is so dense. I pray for a hunger desire to build within in her like a hungry wolf seeking something to devour .... nothing. I just don't understand. Does God not hear me? Is this some sort of "test"? Well I fail. I get an F.

I don't understand, when there are so many quirky little things that come with this syndrome, why some things couldn't just come natural? It's not like she doesn't know how to eat... she can pick it up with her little pinchers and she can put it in her mouth. She just doesn't WANT to. She can drink a bottle and a sippy cup and she can drink thin liquids with great ease ... She just doesn't WANT to. WHY? Is there nothing I can give her to increase her desire to eat?

Can you understand my frustration? (Insert screaming fits here)