This post jumps from one subject to the next and back again.
I love my name. Taryn. It's unique (less and less unique, I am finding out over the years). My mom "done good". However, I go by another name that I like much more. Mommy. I never knew until I was a mommy how much I would love it. I also never knew how much laughter, and tears, come with being called Mommy. It's the little things that make it so wonderful.
Lake: For instance, my son, Lake, making me a house made of Legos. He thought of everything I would need: A pet horse, weapons, fake flowers and real flowers, a tanning bed, jet packs to get around town, a washing machine, hot tub, pool, diving board, bed that doubles as a dinner table, picture frame with a picture of the ocean, extra set of legs, two windows. While we were playing in my new house, we took our jet packs and "skipped school". Instead of going to school we picked up a pizza. This was all his idea, just so you know. I mean, he gave me a tanning bed... a kid after my very own heart! An extra set of legs... those were actually his extra set, but he said I could borrow them.
Lennon: I posted this pic (BELOW) the other day on my Facebook. I bought this shirt 11 years ago at the Goodwill. I bought it because Down Syndrome gives a negative connotation to such a wonderful blessing in disguise. I mean, yes, there are downsides to DS and you just gotta roll with the punches.... but, there are so many wonderful aspects, or so I am learning, to this. These people, the ones with just one more chromosome, love more, forgive more, hug more. They have more happiness and a zest for the little things in life. I think we all could use a little more of that. But the weirdest part was, when I purchased it... I thought, for a split second, "I will have a kid like this". But because I do believe in the power of the tongue (it has the power to speak life and death), I never spoke my fear aloud. Even when I was pregnant with her, I thought every single day of my pregnancy, "My baby has Down Syndrome". I never told this to anyone. Only after she was born and I was able to fully grasp the fact, and when I was able to move on with our new life. I just think it's weird, or one huge co-inky-dink.
Today, my cuddle bug was fussing in her bed. I knew she was hungry so I fixed a bottle and went to get her up to eat. She was on her belly! I had put her in there on her back. So now we all know she can roll BOTH ways! I almost screamed with delight when I saw her. It just made me so happy. She is doing so so so well with her developmental milestones. She is proving to us all that she is going to beat all kinds of odds! Down Schmown! Love that girl. Lennon has my heart so tightly wrapped around her tiny little fingers. I hope she knows it.
Back to Lake: We made a little family trip to Home Depot the other day. Lake saw this tractor and gasped with laughter! He loves tractors.... though if it cranks up, dude is no where to be found... running for the hills screaming he is. He hates the noise. It scares him, being so loud and all. Anyways, he hopped on and said, "Mommy, do you want to take a picture of me on this tractor?" That is 4 year old code for "mommy, take a picture of me on this tractor". Of course I wanted to take a picture of him on that tractor! Wouldn't be a mommy if I didn't!
Lake's latest obsession is jeans. He wants to wear them every day with his cowboy boots. He wants to wear them to school, but I won't let him because it's so hot and they play outside. So he makes me promise that when he gets home from school, I will let him put on his jeans and cowboy boots. He even wants to sleep in his jeans. I just don't get it. It's the same pair of jeans every day, not just any jeans. If he becomes a redneck I just don't know what I will do. I am pretty sure his daddy will be broken hearted. Lately, his new word is "Figurin'".... "Mommy, you know what I was figurin? I was figurin we could make snocones today. What do you think about that?" or "Mommy, I was figuruin, I would eat a corndog for lunch and then some applesauce. Does that sound good, Mommy?" Where oh where does he get this language? I have NEVER used the word, figurin'! Things that make you go hmmmm....
Back to Lennon: So many people have sent me this website to read. I specifically refer to the July 6th post "On Down Syndrome". I read this today and for the first time in a while, I let it sink back in. The fears, the reality of it all. I cried so hard I felt as if I literally burst my heart. I had to compose myself quickly, so that my little cousin didn't see me and get scared. An adult wailing like I was can really scar an 8 year old girl. Kelle put into words what I have not been able to do. Just the whole aspect of parenting and how fragile your heart becomes when you have a baby. Especially if your baby is extra special or extra tiny.
I love being a mommy to Lake and to Lennon. I wouldn't trade the two bundles of joy I have been given for anything else. You just never really know where life is going to take you until you are there. But what can you do? Waller in pity or make the most? I choose to make the most. Live it up, you know.