Sunday, June 6, 2010

About that, I am sure of.

So today was pretty ok I guess. It was Charlie's Sunday to go to church with Lake, so I stayed home with my bug. I swear she smiles at me more and more each day and I fall madly in love with her each time. Not a creepy pedophile love, a motherly love. I hold her to my cheek and I could just squeeze her but I don't because I don't want her to throw her milk up. She is so sweet and so cute and so cuddly. Much more cuddly than Lake was ... even at her age... Lake was a go getter, always on the move. No time for snuggling... if he were snuggling, he was done in few minutes because you were blocking the view he had of the world and all the things he was going to get into! He is still like that today... he loves more than anything to hug and kiss us, but it won't be a long hug unless he is tired and wants you to carry him. I keep telling him he is going to be too big for me to carry one day and then he will have to start carrying me. He thinks that is so funny. Makes me smile right now, just thinking of his laughter when I say that.

We went to get a pizza from Fox's tonight. I am not kidding when I say the air outside that place smelled like dog doo doo. Then you would get a whiff of cigarettes. Charlie and I got so tickled at how bad it stunk. I said, "It smells like dog dooky and cigarettes." Charlie said, "If dog dooky could smoke a cigarette, it would smell just like this." Lake said, "It's probably the mill." Charlie said, "No, bud. If that was what the mill smelled like, no one would live here." This stuff made the mill smell like roses.

On the way home from getting the pizza, Charlie said, "I thought of Lennon today when Brother Tom gave a scripture in his message." I said, knowing I was about to cry because I am an emotional idiot when it comes to my kids, "Oh really? What scripture and what did it say?" He answered, already having it pulled up on his iPhone, "Psalm 139:13-14... For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows that very well." I sat with tears rolling down my face as we rolled on down the road. Charlie started laughing, "Are you crying?!" I said, laughing as well, because we both know how emotional I am, "Yes!" Then, Lake said, "Why are you crying?" I said, "Happy tears, booger. They are happy tears."

I was crying because, I was picturing Lennon, a teenager, in her bedroom, sprawled out on her turquoise painted iron bed... the bed I painted for her... fashion magazines laying around, some open and some not... her radio going and her foot bobbing to the music. She is reading her bible. She is reading this scripture to herself, as she questioned why she was the way she was. I didn't picture her sad, I pictured her smiling and reassured, with a peace in her heart. That made me so happy, thinking of her loving herself just the way she was, just as we love her, and just perfectly made the way God wanted her to be.

So many of my fears about the future have been replaced with joy and contentment. I see how happy she is now, learning to smile and getting excited when she sees me or when I am taking her out of her bed in the morning. She lights up my life. This is only the beginning.

With that being said, I am so protective of her. I know I have said this before but I just do not understand people's obsession with Lennon's "looks". This lady said just yesterday, "I didn't see it when her eyes were open, but yeah, when her eyes are closed I see it." I played dumb and said, "What? That she has her daddy's little eyes? Yeah, she looks just like him." Hoping she would change the subject, but no, the idiot continued, "No, the uhm, you know... I couldn't see it when she had her eyes open, but when they are closed, yeah I see it.. in her face and eyes. Yeah, it's pretty obvious." I mean, seriously?! The uhm... she couldn't even say it.. Downs, lady... it's called Down Syndrome....I nearly said a few dirty words to her... Why does it matter if you can see it or not and why the blank do you feel the need to point it out?! Oh my!! What is wrong with people?! That was hands down, the rudest thing I have ever encountered.

Ok enough of rude people, my blood pressure is going up thinking about it... back to my wonderfully and fearfully made blessing. She is perfect and through everything, I can honestly say I wouldn't trade all this for a "normal" child. She is just what God ordered and I am perfectly happy with that! I love it. Love love love it! Now, if other people would just get on board.