Monday, December 27, 2010

Chronicles of Lake

Last night Lake and I were watching The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. It was right about the part where Azlan died and came back to life when Lake said, "Why did Azlan come back alive?" I told him, "It's kind of like when Jesus beat death and came back alive... they killed a man who did no wrong."

As we all know, answers to questions lead to more questions, especially when you are 4 years old. Lake asked, "Where do we go when we die?" I said, "Well, those who have asked Jesus to come live in their heart will go to heaven. Jesus will be there and we will have new bodies. We will get to finally see Jesus' face." His eyes got huge with excitement and his mouth wide open! It was priceless. He almost screamed, "I want him to live in my heart!" I said, "Baby, all you have to do is ask him." He smiled and looked upwards and yelled, "Jesus, please come live in my heart!" Then he looked at me with a huge smile. I said, "And now He is there... forever in your heart!" Lake said, "Yay! Jesus is in my heart!!!...." Then he paused and said,"Where do other people go who don't have Jesus in their heart?" The little hamsters in his brain are working overtime at this point... And as much as I don't want to scare a 4 year old, I answered, "They go to live with the devil. Forever." He got a very sad look on his face and said, "What do I do now that Jesus is in my heart?" I said, "Share him with other people."

This morning after breakfast I started typing this blog, and just as I am typing the above paragraph, Lake walks up to me with a huge smile, "Mommy, are you so happy Jesus is living in my heart now?!" Ha! Of course I am! I was excited that he was still thinking about it! He ran to our bedroom screaming, "Daddy, last night I asked Jesus into my heart!" That is when I had to get up and get a mop because my cup ranneth over.

I know there are a lot of people that don't believe in Jesus and this might be a controversial blog post. I know there are a lot of people who say they believe but don't do anything to show they believe. Those people inspire me. Meaning, they make me want to show my children more and more that we do believe in Jesus, because actions speak louder than words. I thank God for my children, because they make me want to be a better person. I know I will never be perfect and someone will always think I am selfish at some point, or I said the wrong thing or I acted one way instead of another. But, I know that those moments are learning curves on this road of life. They don't define me. They push me.

Last week, we were leaving my mom's house and as we passed the cemetery Lake said, "Is Mamaw going to die from smoking those cigarettes?" It amazed me that looking at the cemetery made him think of that. I said, "It is possible." He said, "Because they can kill you?" I said, "Yes, that is why you don't ever want to smoke them." Lake added, "And because they stink!" I had to laugh because yes they do stink! Then he said, "I prayed to Jesus that Mamaw will not die from those cigarettes." As a mom, and as her daughter, you have no idea how this blessed me. He is such a smart, spirited little man.

Then two days later my mom was in the ER ...twice... at one point the Dr. thought she might have Pancreasitis which can be a life-threatening illness. We are so grateful that was not the case. She had a very bad bacterial infection. During the two nights she was in the ER, Lake was worried silly. He kept asking me, "Is Mamaw dying?" I said, "No baby, she is just very sick... make sure you pray for her." Sometimes he would start praying right then. Just a quick simple prayer asking Jesus to heal his mamaw.

It's times like these when you know God has specific plans for specific people. I believe a huge part of his plan for my life is to raise my son to love God, put God above and all to chase after the heart of God. I know Lake is special. He has showed us time and time again that God is slowing working on him, giving him the desires of His heart and creating a mighty man of God.

His heart is an open book... just waiting for God to write the next chapter... and I am on the edge of my seat waiting to read it.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas 2010

Last night Santa came and Santa went - undetected, yet again. Leaving behind a trail of his presence in the form of tighter waistbands, thicker thighs and a few Christmas goodies for a few Christmas Cuties... named Lake and Lennon. As Lake gets older, he seems to be torn between "what did I get for Christmas" and "Christmas is Jesus' Birthday". As parents we are constantly trying to put the emphasis on the Birth of a Savior part. I feel each year, we might need to slack off in the gift department and start focusing more on who can we bless today. Traditionally, we buy him three gifts every year - one "good" gift and two decent gifts. He knows the reason for the "3"... because when Jesus was born, 3 Wise Men brought him each a gift... frankincense, myrrh and gold.
Ever since Lake's first Christmas, I started a Davidson family tradition... Lake and I bake a cake for Jesus' birthday, light the candles and our little family sings "Happy Birthday" to our Savior. This year was no different. I am excited that Lennon gets to experience this with us.
And while you might think I am Martha Stewart in the kitchen (so many do), you couldn't be more wrong. I am a terrible baker! Cooking I can do... Baking I cannot. My cookies are usually burned, my cakes are falling apart, even my cobblers are tasteless messes of dough-y grossness. However, my son thinks I am the greatest and that is all that matters.
My mom was unable to join us this year due to a terrible bacterial infection in her stomach / intestines.... one that landed her in the ER twice. Two days in a row. It was not the same without her ... but we had a wonderful visit... three families combined into one... my husband, Charlie's family, my entire family and my brother-in-law's mom. Blessed, we are.
Lennon loved ALL her gifts, Lake was thrilled with everything new and all bellies are full beyond capacity. Life is good on the home front.
And though you might be thinking this will be a long post about a bunch of sappy Christmas lovin' ... again, you will be wrong... because I am slap exhausted.
Lennon is still wheezing, even while on breathing treatments for a week, and I am getting up early to take her to the clinic - missing church AGAIN. So with spit up on my sweater, green icing under my fingernails and knowing my boots have been on for entirely too many country girl hours....
I bid farewell and a good night to all. I am off to watch "The Chronicles of Narnia" snuggled next to my Booger Bear until we both fall deep into a turkey coma.
Merry Christmas to all... and to all a good night.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

New Life, Take 1

Yesterday I sent an email stating I will not be finishing my last week at work.
The reason:
Lennon is still on (and hating every bit of) breathing treatments. Can't exactly send her to school like this. So we are stuck at home, again, like we have been for the past, gee... I don't even know how many days it's been now... a lot, that is for sure. So we made the best of it. It was a pretty day and we all had cabin fever. I packed up the kids, packed a bag of crackers for the ducks and geese (who never showed up), threw a quilt in and headed to the park. Fresh air could do us all a little good. Still not believing it was as hot as it was just days before Christmas.
Ugh! :( ... gross LA weather.

Little Miss Tooty Bug was showing off her half crawling skills. I do believe her face must be sore at the end of the day from all her smiling. She almost never stops. Unless, of course that one "new" person is trying desperately to get her to smile and she is looking at them with the "give it up" face. Makes me laugh every time, because as soon as they give up and start talking to me or Charlie, she is all smiles staring straight at them.

Random cuteness: Look who has curls! Ok so yeah, it's not much ... but is it not the single cutest curl you have seen?! I hope her whole head fills up with a billion of them and they turn bright red!

This picture truly makes my day... I have the most adorable children and I am not saying that in a because-i-am-the-mother-way ... If you were honest you would admit to yourself, they are they cutest kids. Ever.

Look at the way she looks at him. I swear it... he has NO IDEA how much she LOVES him. She is completely smitten with him. She will scream at him if he gets close. Not a "I'm scared" scream, but a "Oh if I could talk and walk I would chase you down and kiss you and hug you to death" scream. It's the funniest thing ... we literally pile on the couch... Charlie, Lake, Lennon and myself... and let her just go nuts trying to get Lake. She will crawl and climb all over the place until she has his cheek in her mouth or his hair in her hands. She is wild about him. She is wild anyways... but really wild about him!

And there she goes... screaming at him! It's hysterical!

If she could just get her hands on him...

Ooooh... got an ear!

And there they are.... just loving life and each other... These are the moments you realize, life is perfect ... even through sickness and heartache and pain... life can sneak in and just be perfect.

The beauty of loving unconditionally, lies within this little girl's heart ... it's going to teach us all a thing or two. She has already taught us so much.... about what really matters.

I could write on this for days ... as you know. But not tonight. Tonight I will make this short. Because my husband is sleeping and he is sick, as well. And when he is sick and running fever, I like to snuggle against him... because he is warm and my feet are cold. (I pretend he part of the wolf-pack... joking!) But I do snuggle up because I think, no I know, it makes him feel better.

One thing I must share before I head off to sleepy land... My Lake drew a pretty picture. And because he wants to be just like me... he told us he was going to sell his art. So I asked him how much for the "turkey" drawing... and he told me "It is an airplane, not a turkey, and it costs a dollar." But I was out of a dollar so he politely accepted 12 cents... and raced to his room to put it in his piggy bank. It still looks like a turkey with a candy cane nose to me. Your thoughts?!

He sold Charlie the "Wolf" (this was originally a "house" - but once I told him, nice try, but it looks more like a dog he finally admitted it might look that way). He did make a dollar in quarters on this one. And if I do say so myself, it is a darn good painting of a dog... I mean, "Wolf" (I stand corrected, per Lake).

I truly love my kids more than life. And I love that they love each other. And I love that Lake wants to be just like me. And I love that Lennon only laughs really hard and out loud at me. And I love that it's almost Christmas. And I love that we will be baking and decorating Jesus' birthday cake again and singing "Happy Birthday" to Him as we do every year.
I will teach my children that Christmas is about the ultimate gift... the gift that never stops giving.... no, not Charlie's vasectomy.... The gift of a Savior... Jesus IS the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Love, Me

It's Monday, and I started the day counting down the number of work days (because it's less than counting down the days in general... and I like to be different) until I begin my new journey. "14 Work Days," I said. 14! Then, I turned in resignation #2 and changed my last day to Christmas Eve instead of New Year's Eve, so that ended my day with 10 work days left and life got just a wee bit sweeter. Now, I get to spend the last week of Christmas break at home with my Booger Bear and life is just as it should be.
Then, the day got even better. Even better than that you ask? Oh yes. I called a urologist and bought myself a Christmas present. The gift that never stops giving... I bought and paid for Charlie a vasectomy. Merry Christmas to me... Merry Christmas to me every year from now on.

After I left work, I picked up a sleepy bug and made it home in time to decide I was too tired to cook. So Lake decided for us. He decided he needed to use his Free Pizza Buffet coupon at CiCi's. And even though I do believe that place smells like dirty mop water, I couldn't resist him. He had earned it by saying 10 unprompted "Thank Yous". Who can resist such a darling boy?
Not I... Not. I.

When our bellies were full of cheap pizza and sweet glazed rolls, we piled back in our ride, but not so quickly that I didn't have time to pause and inhale a brisk cold night. Oh I love a brisk cold night. I have not worn a jacket all day and I honestly feel it is the perfect day. Even though I saw some wearing gloves and hats and scarves, me and my thin long sleeve shirt and simple scarf were just dandy without a jacket. I am made for the cold weather. I was born for it.

With a quick stop at the grocery store, where Charlie took Lake in to do a little shopping and I sat in the car with my Lennon bug.... I turned on the country station and started singing. At first to myself and then I climbed in the back and sang to Lennon. I talked to her so sweetly, and she would smile and touch my face, all sleepy eyed. Then I told her how fun it was going to be when Mommy was at home all the time. I told her how much I loved her and how we were going to be best friends. I told her how I was going to teach her to crawl and walk and talk and play pretend and explore and build things. I told her how we would have tea parties until we were tea'd out. I imagined us all dressed up with no place to go but the tea party we made in the back yard... coppin' a squat on a quilt in the shade. I got all misty-eyed with excitement picturing my darling little bug and me. I knew right then, she would be my little sidekick for far longer than I had ever dreamed my daughter would be. She was not going to be that teenage girl who was embarrassed by her mom - not that she would have anything to be embarrassed of anyways. She was mine. All mine.

And as the next song began to fill the air with the country musical golden goodies that I adore so much and take me back to a simpler time .... it went a little something like this...

"If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through;
I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.
And between now and then, till I see you again,
I'll be loving you. Love, me."

And though I know that song was written for two lovers, I sang those specific words to Lennon from the very depths of my soul. Why? Because I was reminded that it is very possible she will beat me to Heaven. While most days I do not allow myself to go there or think that or read statistics, I know them very well. It haunts and taunts me daily as I hear of someone ill or someone dying. And maybe if it hadn't of been for my boss telling me, when I turned in my notice, that "Ya know, I understand... with all the issues and health problems Down Syndrome people have, their life expectancy is just not very long. And since Lennon has been so sick and with her heart and all, well you just never know. You need to be at home with her while you can." Nothing could have stung more than that, and nothing could have slapped me right back into reality, and all that is not-so-happily-ever-after, as fast as that did. I tried to fight the tears and I told him to shut up and I told him to stop saying that and I told him I won't listen to it but nothing... and I do mean nothing, could have fought those tears in his office.
Just like nothing could have fought them while I was singing those words to my happily ever after. Because that will be the day my heart stops beating. The day all my fears come crashing down on me... ripping my heart into a million pieces. And the tears just kept falling as I was singing.... It's just a blessing, they say, if we get 30-40 years. 50 would be a miracle, they say, and 60 - well... I am hopeful. I just pray the Lord takes us all at the same time. Maybe, just maybe my heart won't have to be ripped from my body.
All the while I was crying and singing, my Lennon had taken my hand. She held my finger in her tiny palm and was rubbing it with her thumb, as if she were trying to calm me. And at that very moment, it did... a calming joy and love took over and I smiled through tears and she smiled back, confirming her never ending joy and love is exactly what I needed in my life... once again.
About that moment, I realized the song was over and man was I glad. Enough tears for one day. Then, another oldie came on and I had a flashback.... I remembered my brother and I riding in the back of a big tan and black striped van, piled with kids, singing to the top of our lungs, "There's a stranger in my house... some body's here, trying to take her away from me...." and Lennon got the giggles. Lennon was laughing so hard I thought she might not breathe. I am still not sure if I should be offended because I cannot carry a tune in a bucket or proud because no one gets her to laugh as hard as I can. But, then again, I did make me laugh too.
And just like that, the tears had stopped and the laughter had started. It seems like that is a pattern with me and my girl.... Laughter Through Tears. It's kind of our thing. It's usually how I cope with life, and usually the moment God is trying to tell me something. This time, I am pretty sure He was telling me to enjoy her ... snatch her up... breathe her in... because there's more where that came from. There's an eternity ahead, full of laughter with this girl. She is just what the Dr ordered. And she was right on time. Don't dwell on what could be, or could not be.
I am only promised today. That I know for sure.