On Thursday, I started back to work full time, after seven months off. I dropped my booger and bug off at daycare much earlier than they have been in a very long time. Once again, my heart wept as I drove away, knowing they would be in the care of someone else, other than the one who was created to care for them. I know in my heart of hearts, it is the only option if we want to live the comfortable life we have grown accustomed to, though I will never feel content. God, please hear my cries and help me not to be bitter and jealous. And just so I don't start crying I will change the subject... and push those feelings way down deep... save them for a rainy day.
Saturday morning was much like every other Saturday morning. Charlie golfed and I was on mommy duty. My heart (my children) and I stayed in our jammies until well after lunch, just because we can. After Charlie returned, he bug-sat, while Lake and I headed to the park. We made mud pies with smiley faces and rock & sea shell soup. We ate until our imaginary bellies hurt. We watched tiny minnows in the lake. Then, we walked man made trails in dark woods until they ended, in search of anything that made him smile. We saw a tree stump with two big holes and Lake told me that is where beavers lived. Beavers that were best friends with Ants. We found our way to two playgrounds, where we played drive thru restaurants with a very low window. As I drove my pretend car through, Lake looked up at me through the tiny window with the most innocent eyes I have ever seen, grinning from ear to ear, just happy I was playing with him. I ordered a pretend cake for $117.52 so perfectly crafted by my booger, that no doubt, would have made Judy blush. On our walk back to the car we passed purple and yellow flowers, a caboose, and another beaver hole. We were almost to the car when I told Lake we should race... and before I could get "Ready, set, go!" out of my mouth he had already taken off running... and because he had a head start he won and because I am a sore loser I called him a cheater. Then he politely explained, "Mommy, that is the name of the game... cheat to win." I could have used this moment as a lesson to young Lake, but I was laughing so hard I just let it go. One day, I will get my chance and even after that, Karma will no doubt teach him this lesson.
That evening we packed up and headed to Shreveport for dinner with friends. Lake cried because he didn't want to play with girls and I told him he could bring a "boy" toy to play with... He had every intention on bringing his guns and his army knife, but with the hustle and bustle of getting out of the house on time, the only thing he remembered was the army knife. After we arrived, I pushed he and the girls in the swings for a while and then when I started sweating like a Cub Scout at Neverland, I decided they could swing on their own... only to hear Lake's broken hearted cry for mommy to stay outside. I went in anyways to check on Lennon and when I looked out the glass of the back door, there stood Lake with a sad face, wearing his AC/DC knock-off kids shirt that read "AB/CD", camo shorts and his army knife resting on glass.... looking just like a psycho from a horror movie. After a hearty laugh, I remembered, these are the times I wish I had a new camera. (my birthday is 10/6 - hint hint)
When dawn broke, Lake woke... and climbed right up between Charlie and I only to fall fast asleep again. My alarm sounded the usual church bells and I got up quietly to feed the bug. I wanted so badly to sleep in since I had only 4 hours of rest.... but I do believe Sundays are for gathering with my church family. So, I did just that, even if we were late.... again. After church and a full belly, booger bear and his daddy piled up in our bed for a nice long nap, while my bug and I piled in Lake's loft bed for a nice long slumber. She and I both fell fast asleep and after about an hour I woke to her against my face... she had rolled onto her back and right up against me. Even with my eyes still closed I could smell her lavender skin and I knew what she was doing... it was the sound I hear on the baby monitor every night.... my bug sucking her thumb. I peeked one eye open and to my surprise, her turquoise blue eyes were wide open staring a hole into my soul, as if she were just waiting for me to get up and play. I smiled at her and she smiled back... then I turned her on her tummy and she went right back to sleep .... and so did I.
Day three of career life starts in the morning... Even though I am back at work... I know there will be another lazy Saturday and another restful Sunday (Lord willin' and the creek don't rise). So until then, I will dwell on the love and comfort they left me, while anxiously awaiting on the next.
My cup runneth over.
___ for the two brothers who no doubt are giving Peter good laughs at the Pearly Gates, you are greatly missed and never forgotten....
"Happy Birthday uncle Dan (RIP)" and "Happy Anniversary Momma and Daddy (RIP)"