Monday, August 9, 2010

An Old Soul

Dr O'Boyle (Pediatric ICU Dr): Robin, is your sister a hippie?
Robin: What?! No.

Dr O'Boyle: Does she like the 60s? I think she might be a hippie.
Robin: I mean, her house is kind of retro eclectic? I mean, I don't think she's a hippie tho.
Dr O'Boyle: Yeah, that's what I thought. She's a hippie.

I am not sure if that is how it went... but that was basically the conversation between my sister, Robin and the PICU Dr at St. Francis. I laughed so hard because I was shocked. But the more I thought about it... the more it seemed to fit my personality. Come to think of it.... there is a lot about me that could be described as a hippie. Obviously there is a lot about me that also could not be described as a hippie... like I do shave my armpits and I do wear a bra.
I wonder if things like this have anything to do with our parents and the way we were raised. Like, my dad was big into music and I remember him playing it while he worked out on his VW Bug or his truck or while he grilled or while he was welding whatever new thing he was building. Maybe we just get stuck in an era? I mean, I was born in the late 70s. Maybe my soul still resides there?
Even in high school, I found a closet full of my aunt's old clothes and I wore every bit of it to school and I can remember my "friends" saying I was "the different one" or even calling me weird... but I didn't want to wear bell bottoms just on "hippie day". I wanted to butt cut my long hair and wear anything that reminded me of the 60's or 70's. I am proud to say I also owned a t-shirt with a big picture of Greg Brady on it. I wore a lot of tye dye and a lot of denim.
I still say "groovy" when I really like something.
Maybe that is why I fell so easily into drugs and that whole scene? I liked the big giant JNCO pants... they reminded me of bell bottoms, just an extreme version. I have always liked trippy looking things, like swirls.... I like the natural elements like flowers and wood. I prefer to be barefoot in grass. My favorite thing is to sit outside and stare at the stars and talk. I can still get into a deep deep conversation with someone about something and take it way beyond what most people would... trying to reason it out or find the root of what caused it to be that way.
I named my children "Lake" and "Lennon".... unintentionally thinking of it being hippy-ish. However, they both have that hippy element... Lennon for obvious reasons. My house definitely has that retro vibe with the blue walls and orange and green accents. Swirls and stripes and flower patterns... birds and trees and all things calming. I love old furniture, bought at garage sales and the Goodwill, redone with mild modern touches.
I believe the woman is made to be a mom and stay at home. I believe in tapping into your creative side as often as you can. I believe in color and lots of it. No beige here. I believe flowy cotton clothing is the key to happiness. I believe in climbing trees until you are too old to walk.
Even tonight, I started to make a play list of songs I wanted to listen to while soaking up the sun in Cancun. The songs that I chose... most, well almost all of them, are from the 60s and 70s. With artists like, The Beattles, Bob Seger, Steve Miller Band, The Mamas and The Papas, Lynyrd Skynyrd.... and so many more.... even the more recent artists that remind me of those artists made the cut. Creating that play list is what got me to thinking about all this... So... I guess, deep down, I just have an old soul. An old soul who is, and always will be, young at heart.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Day Three: On The Alien Planet

"Thursday and Friday take too long... and before I know it, Saturday's gone... but it's Sunday now and you can bet that I'm alright." - Lorrie Morgan

On Thursday, I started back to work full time, after seven months off. I dropped my booger and bug off at daycare much earlier than they have been in a very long time. Once again, my heart wept as I drove away, knowing they would be in the care of someone else, other than the one who was created to care for them. I know in my heart of hearts, it is the only option if we want to live the comfortable life we have grown accustomed to, though I will never feel content. God, please hear my cries and help me not to be bitter and jealous. And just so I don't start crying I will change the subject... and push those feelings way down deep... save them for a rainy day.

Saturday morning was much like every other Saturday morning. Charlie golfed and I was on mommy duty. My heart (my children) and I stayed in our jammies until well after lunch, just because we can. After Charlie returned, he bug-sat, while Lake and I headed to the park. We made mud pies with smiley faces and rock & sea shell soup. We ate until our imaginary bellies hurt. We watched tiny minnows in the lake. Then, we walked man made trails in dark woods until they ended, in search of anything that made him smile. We saw a tree stump with two big holes and Lake told me that is where beavers lived. Beavers that were best friends with Ants. We found our way to two playgrounds, where we played drive thru restaurants with a very low window. As I drove my pretend car through, Lake looked up at me through the tiny window with the most innocent eyes I have ever seen, grinning from ear to ear, just happy I was playing with him. I ordered a pretend cake for $117.52 so perfectly crafted by my booger, that no doubt, would have made Judy blush. On our walk back to the car we passed purple and yellow flowers, a caboose, and another beaver hole. We were almost to the car when I told Lake we should race... and before I could get "Ready, set, go!" out of my mouth he had already taken off running... and because he had a head start he won and because I am a sore loser I called him a cheater. Then he politely explained, "Mommy, that is the name of the game... cheat to win." I could have used this moment as a lesson to young Lake, but I was laughing so hard I just let it go. One day, I will get my chance and even after that, Karma will no doubt teach him this lesson.

That evening we packed up and headed to Shreveport for dinner with friends. Lake cried because he didn't want to play with girls and I told him he could bring a "boy" toy to play with... He had every intention on bringing his guns and his army knife, but with the hustle and bustle of getting out of the house on time, the only thing he remembered was the army knife. After we arrived, I pushed he and the girls in the swings for a while and then when I started sweating like a Cub Scout at Neverland, I decided they could swing on their own... only to hear Lake's broken hearted cry for mommy to stay outside. I went in anyways to check on Lennon and when I looked out the glass of the back door, there stood Lake with a sad face, wearing his AC/DC knock-off kids shirt that read "AB/CD", camo shorts and his army knife resting on glass.... looking just like a psycho from a horror movie. After a hearty laugh, I remembered, these are the times I wish I had a new camera. (my birthday is 10/6 - hint hint)

When dawn broke, Lake woke... and climbed right up between Charlie and I only to fall fast asleep again. My alarm sounded the usual church bells and I got up quietly to feed the bug. I wanted so badly to sleep in since I had only 4 hours of rest.... but I do believe Sundays are for gathering with my church family. So, I did just that, even if we were late.... again. After church and a full belly, booger bear and his daddy piled up in our bed for a nice long nap, while my bug and I piled in Lake's loft bed for a nice long slumber. She and I both fell fast asleep and after about an hour I woke to her against my face... she had rolled onto her back and right up against me. Even with my eyes still closed I could smell her lavender skin and I knew what she was doing... it was the sound I hear on the baby monitor every night.... my bug sucking her thumb. I peeked one eye open and to my surprise, her turquoise blue eyes were wide open staring a hole into my soul, as if she were just waiting for me to get up and play. I smiled at her and she smiled back... then I turned her on her tummy and she went right back to sleep .... and so did I.

Day three of career life starts in the morning... Even though I am back at work... I know there will be another lazy Saturday and another restful Sunday (Lord willin' and the creek don't rise). So until then, I will dwell on the love and comfort they left me, while anxiously awaiting on the next.

My cup runneth over.

___ for the two brothers who no doubt are giving Peter good laughs at the Pearly Gates, you are greatly missed and never forgotten....
"Happy Birthday uncle Dan (RIP)" and "Happy Anniversary Momma and Daddy (RIP)"