Sunday, June 27, 2010
So, when I have a gathering, and you come to my house, and I ask you not to smoke in the back yard near the kids' playing / playground.... and not only do you do that, but you throw all your cigarettes in my yard in a pile. The yard my husband works his butt off trying to keep nice and clean and kept (literally his butt, he lost weight). Then, you pick up my infant with your carcinogen filled clothing and breathe your carcinogenic breath in her face. Then when I go to pick up my infant, the baby smell... the sweet smell of lavender is gone and replaced with the filthy stench of your cigarettes. All the while my four year old son is playing on his birthday present, his swing set, you are blowing cancer in his face! Yet you sit back and you wonder why I am mad? If you wanna die from that crap, so be it... it is your choice but it is not mine so keep it away from me and my kids and my house.
Where is the respect? I don't understand people who are so selfish and rude? It makes me NEVER want to host anything at my house again. I cannot even sleep I am so mad about this... if this were the first time it happened it would just tick me off... but this has happened TIME and time again. Not only do these butts wind up in my yard but my neighbors! All because people want to act white trash. Ugh. I am seriously mad.
Anyways.... Time to think of something that makes me happy. Lennon's sweet Aunt Denise bought her a pink hippo. I put it next to Lennon when she goes down for naps or bedtime and she plays with it.... by playing with it, I mean she pets it and smiles at it. Today, when I picked it up, she really smiled at it as if, "there it is!" So stinkin cute. Today in church, my sister was holding her, and she laughed at my sister the whole time. She was staring her down just waiting for her to look down at her and when she would she would get this grin as if she were just tickled pink. I loved it. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I got all teary eyed because I notice her doing things other babies her age have been doing for a while... I know she is going to be slow at doing things but it just lights up my soul when I see her developing more and more. We had a visit from Early Steps this week and they were asking 'Is she doing this...' and 'Is she doing that...' It was so disheartening to say no to some of those things, but I had to keep in mind, God is in control and she will get there. The crazy part is, after they left I had a little moment with God and just kind of asked him to help her develop and wouldn't you know it... by the end of the week she was doing two of the things they asked about. She still did not roll over, but man she wants to. She REALLY hates tummy time. She will just have to get mad enough to roll one day. She has the muscles for it... she just cannot remember to get her arm up and out of the way... It's so funny, her back will arch and her legs come up so high off the ground, it looks like she is break dancing and doing the worm! Cracks me up.
I met someone this week that also has a DS daughter. She said the rudest thing someone ever did to her was walk up to her in WalMart and say, "Ma'am, I just want you to know, your daughter is not retarded!" OMG! Who the frick says that?! I think I would have responded with, "NO she is not... but you obviously are. Honey, please take the children around the corner and cover their ears." It would have been a scene up in there. Speaking of white trash, I would have gone PWT on them. As we were talking, we both agreed the most annoying thing is when someone says, "She doesn't even look like anything is wrong with her." Uhhh.... no, that is because there is NOTHING "WRONG" with her! If anything, there is everything right with her. As a matter of fact, she is more loving, more forgiving, more kind and more caring than any of us, thanks to her extra chromosome! So no, there is nothing wrong with her. I swear, there are some idiots out there. Lake would get onto me for saying "idiot" just now.
Wow... tonight was tantrum night, I guess. Oh well... felt good to get it off my mind. Maybe now I can sleep.
Lesson to be learned.. do not say or do things you wouldn't want someone else to do or say to you. Hmmm... that might be in a book somewhere ;)
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Lake: Yesterday morning, I woke up to Lake talking very loud and waving the American flag in my face. He's saying, "Mommy! Mommy! I am all dressed for school all by myself. See.... Look! Did you know you have to pledge legiance to this flag? And you have to put your hand over your heart." Not the usual morning greeting I get, but hey, he's more patriotic than our president. Yes, I just said that. Laughing, I corrected him, "Yes, we do pledge allegiance to that flag. It's the American flag." He responds with, "I can say the pledge.... I pledge allegiance to the flag....I don't remember the rest." I said, smiling and very tired, "You are so smart." He responded with, "Yeah, I am smart. I know everything." HA! What a hoot he is! "Let's start over and say it together." And it went something like this:
Lake/Me: "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."
Me: "Of the United..."
Lake: "States of America."
Then, I finished the rest. We'll have to work on that one. At least he knows what flag we're pledging to. He proceeded to tell me more about the flag, a bit of information, I was unaware of. "Mommy, you know we have to bring this when we go to heaven. This flag. Jesus wants it."
Confused as to why this was important, I responded, "Oh really? I didn't know that."
Lake said, "Yeah, Jesus wants us each to bring an American Flag to heaven. He likes them."
Represent! (Getting Ghetto... Throwin up my deuce deuce!) I am literally laughing out loud as I pictured me walking up to Jesus, "Hey, Jesus... yeah, I was gonna offer my life up to you and all, but, I heard you like American Flags. So I picked one up on the way here." I don't see that going over too well. Makes me wonder if Lake has it in his head that our homes in Heaven will need a flag to show where we are from.
"When we get to heaven, will we all go together?" Ugh, I hated to start this conversation. "Well, that depends... Jesus might come and take us all at once and He might not." Lake said, "So He might get us one by one?" He is so smart. "Yes, and a lot of the time the older ones go first. But you never know." He said, "So daddy will go first?" I had to laugh at this because I am older than Charlie, by two years. "Ha! No... Actually I am older than daddy." He said, "So Jesus will take you first then daddy... " It was like a light bulb went off in his head, "Jesus will take Daddy, then you, then me and then Lennon." I had to explain to him that Granny and Poppa were older than us so they might go before us. He thought Granny would be first then Poppa. Ha! I told him Poppa was oldest. Of course we had to go back to talking about how Jesus might come and take us all at one time. That would be best, we both agreed. It's hard having this conversation with a 4 year old. Makes me sad, but happy that he knows Jesus will come and get us.
Lake has this new thing... I try to joke with him and tell him something that is way exaggerated or not true... like for lunch today, I ate a bridge. He used to laugh hysterically and say, "I ate a building." Now, he just laughs a little then gets this serious face, "Mommy are you being true?" Well, crap, I don't want to be a liar and all. Where has all the fun gone? He has started to figure me out.
Still have not found anyone to pick Lake up from Crosley for after school care. If you know of anyone, please let me know... I am desperate. Well, not that desperate... I want someone I trust.
Lennon: I worry constantly about Lennon's development. So every time it crosses my mind, I will stop what I am doing and we will work on tummy time, muscles, joints, and getting her to hold onto to toys. Tummy time has been a big one since for weeks after her surgery she really couldn't do tummy time and the few times we tried she would cry and I was afraid it hurt her. So I am convinced that by Monday... she will have rolled from belly to back... she loves being on her back and her back muscles are very strong. If she doesn't do it I will be a little sad but I know it's coming very soon. No matter what, she is still doing very well. If I could just get her to stay awake. She LOVES to sleep. She has found her hands. Yay! She will hold them in front of her face and open and close her fist over and over... just looking at them, like, "I am doing that." It's so funny. She also is a thumb sucker (insert scary horror movie music & scream here). I know you will probably think I am a bad mommy but I have encouraged it. That's right, I said it! She cannot hold a pacifier due to her fat tongue pushing it out... her thumb she can hold in her mouth with no problem. We will cross the "taking away her thumb" bridge when we get there.
We go for her check up at the cardiologist this coming week. Next week to her pediatrician. The week after that, we can start picking her up underneath her armpits! Woot Woot! Man, life will all of a sudden get easier. The school she will be attending when I return to work, has applied for a grant with ARCO. They have another child that has autism and are looking to get any sort of assistance with helping these kids develop. They met last week with ARCO and along with what Early Steps will be doing for us, evaluating Lennon and sending someone to work with her, ARCO will be also doing that. So that is double the care and attention she will be getting. It really puts my mind at ease when it comes to me returning to work. Just knowing the school is going to put her needs first and not just "babysit" her. I am so thankful for McGuire Methodist CDC.
Charlie and I: We leave for Cancun in 6 weeks!!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
... Just a few crazy hair pics for ya.
I started telling her the few memories I have about my daddy. Since I was only 10 when he passed, I really don't remember much. One thing that stands out, was my daddy's passion for his kids. He had the attitude where you are only a kid once and wanted to make sure we had the best childhood. He was the dad that helped coach my brother's sports teams. He always had fun ideas, like adding two slip and slides together to make it extra long. He added soap to it so we would slide faster. He taught us to build forts. I remember he had this jacked up Chevrolet Stepside -- grey, like my SUV. It had HUGE tires. Those tires were as tall as me, or it seemed. He would drive around the hood, with all three kids in the back... me, Chad & Robin. He would pick up each of our friends, now six kids in tow. My daddy was "that dad"... the one all the kids loved. The "fun dad" of the hood. I remember he was loved by all our friends. Of course this was safe, in the back of the truck... I mean, come on... It was the 8o's. He had his tiny back window slid open so we could hear the radio. He would blare the tunes and drive us to the nearest convenient store. We each got a small brown paper bag. However much you could fit in that bag, he would buy. I remember cramming Twist a Pepper Dr Pepper, Sixlets and Bubble Tape in mine... and a few other small candies. On the way back home, he would buy hundreds of dollars worth of fireworks for that night. There we were, headed home on a hot summer day... He had the radio blaring again... "Pour Some Sugar on Me" was playing. I remember, we each had our Dr Peppers.... singing to the top of our lungs, "Take a bottle..." We would hold up those bottles.... "Shake it up...." We would shake them vigorously.... screaming the lyrics "Break a bubble"..... kids smiling, daddy looking in his rear view, smiling as well... the anticipation building, "Break it up!" That is when we would unleash the fury behind those twist a Pepper lids.... "Pour some sugar on me... in the name of love!!" Dr Pepper spewing everywhere as we rode with the wind in our face and hair! It was radical. When we got home, we would all play outside with our friends in the sprinkler.... I went inside to use the restroom and just before I went back out... Daddy said, "Two bit, come here..." (Two bit, that was his nickname for me... because I wasn't a full grown "Dollar")... so I followed him into my parent's bedroom and into the closet. At the top of the closet he pulled out a brown paper bag. He reached in and pulled out a banana flavored laffy taffy. He knelt down and handed it to me. He said, "This is for my favorite little girl." Then he gave me a hug and a kiss and told me not to tell the others. I hugged him back and told him I loved him and ran back outside, with a mouth full of banana laffy taffy. I am sure daddy did that to Robin and Chad and Kelly too... but he made an effort to make me think I was the super special only one who got that candy. It worked. That night, it was firework time.... daddy taught me how to make a bomb with gun powder, newspaper and duct tape. My own personal McGyver dad. Come to think of it, maybe they should plug that oil leak with Duct Tape. Anyways... He would set off a bomb in our neighborhood.... it once blew the electricity out in the whole hood. Good times. Good times.
All of these memories of my dad are part of who I am today. I am silly and goofy and I want Lake and Lennon to have the most fun they possibly can as kids. This morning, I could have gotten really agitated (which I was) with Lake waking me up early and Lennon puking on the bed. But, I just shrugged it off as life, and Lake and I made silly faces while creating his crazy hair do. We laughed and hugged and I told him about his daddy spiking his hair up just like that when he was in a band. Lake loves stories about when we were kids and the things we did. It was a sweet time with my Booger. As I sit here now... I think about my daddy and all the fun memories he left me, and I realize, he left me not only with memories, but a legacy of fun to carry on with my kids. I want to be "that mom". Just like he was "that dad".... and always will be.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
- I will gag and most likely vomit if I chew or eat the following items: Steak, shrimp, mayo, raw onions, beets, turnips/greens, oysters. I know this to be true because I have vomited trying most of the items listed.
- I am OCD about the pillows on my couch. They must be in perfect position at all times. I am known to move them back to their perfect and upright positions if I have company and said company leaves the room to go to the restroom.
- I don't really care for pets, but I wouldn't mind a tiny fluffy non-shedding non-barking dog that is house trained and loves children. Know of one? If it were a male dog I would name it: Kravitz and if it were a female dog I would name it: Janice
- Cats are incredible creatures and I also think they are closely related to the devil.
- I want numerous plastic surgeries: Brow lift, tummy tuck, breast implants... possible lip implants. Most likely will never have any of these surgeries.
- I totally neglect my feet and hands due to laziness and I hate to spend money on myself.
- I will spend large sums of money on make up and hair products.
- Tanning is a slight addiction of mine. Once I start, it's hard to stop. I will probably at some point have every mole removed. So far 5 have been removed and one had cancer cells.
- I love skim organic milk and vanilla soy milk. I drink it out of the carton (soy).
- I have wanted to write a book since I was in Jr High school - I even bought a "how to write a novel" book once - but I am nervous because do not do well with rejection or compliments.
- I think Martha Stewart is one of the most brilliant women. I also think she might be a robot.
- I heart comedians.
- I hate to wear shoes.
- I have always wanted to be six feet tall.
- Cottage cheese is one of my favorite foods.
- The Monroe/West Monroe local news embarrasses me. I do not watch it. I think it is the country accents the people have. I also hope I do not sound like that.
- I love inappropriate humor more than anything else. I use it alot.
- I must end my gas pumping with $.00
- I make a darn good tuna burger from canned tuna, egg and crackers.
- I want a 4th tattoo but my husband would kill me.
- I hate to dust.
- I want to live on a lot of land in a small house.
- I have received about 15 speeding tickets (LA/TX) and I have been pulled over for speeding more times than I can count where no ticket was given
- I have received a DWI
- I pulled a "Paris Hilton" - pulled over with a suspended license due to a DWI
- I have been pulled over 3 times in one month by the same cop - no ticket given
- I have received 2 seat belt tickets
- I received 2 stop sign tickets
- I pulled out in front of a cop and almost hit him head on - no ticket given
- I tried to outrun the police so's not to receive a ticket when I was 16 - ticket given - also had police hold me at gunpoint because they thought I was running because I sold drugs.
- I have been in 6 car accidents, 3 of which I was driving
- Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday
- My favorite color is teal
- I own one piece of "real" jewelry - my wedding ring
- I have entirely too many pictures/frames in my house but I cannot bare to part with any
- My dream job is to own a small store where I sell remodeled shabby chic / retro furniture, home accents/crafts (pillows,curtains,shower curtains,etc.), painted art... and so forth... all made / recreated by me. I would call it "Theodore Barksdale's".
- I think anyone who drives a sports car is a major douche bag. I have little respect for them. It's my opinion and I will not apologize for it.
- I hate super hero crap. Again with the douche baggery.
- I do love the Twilight Saga. It is not the same as super hero crap. It is like The Notebook but with Vampires and Wolves. (I also hate that I love it)
- I save all my Martha Stewart Magazines, West Elm, Pottery Barn, Southern Living magazines. I think they will come in handy when we build our dream home.
- I am addicted to coffee and sometimes make up to 3 pots a day.
- I do not like red or pink painted on my fingernails... I think it makes me look like a transvestite.
- Kelly Green looks great on me. Though, I feel like a leprechaun when I wear it.
- I thought I would hate Twitter but I like it. I made fun of people for it. I also use the wrong lingo such as "twit" instead of tweet.
- I miss tv shows like Friends, Dawson's Creek and Felicity - they just don't make them like that anymore.
- If I ever get to my goal weight, I am cutting my hair off ... extremely short. Shorter than you are imagining.
- I think Mary Kate Olsen is a very interesting person. I love her style.
- I did not vote during the Barak Obama presidential election. I was living in LA and registered in TX.
- I do not like the ocean or any dark water. Pools or tubs are it for me.
- Ants and sharks are my biggest fears.
First let me get this dream in writing before I forget. Last night, I had the CRAZIEST dream. I dreamed that Charlie, myself, Lake, Lennon and our other baby boy were coming back from vacation. (No we do not have another child, and I guess that is why this one was never named in my dream) We were in the car and the kids were sleeping while Charlie drove. It was night time... and I was looking in the passenger fold down mirror. The mirror light was on, shining on my face so that I could see better. I wiggled my front tooth and it fell out. I was freaking out, to say the least. I didn't know if I shoul tell Charlie or not... I tried to put it back in, and then another tooth fell out... before I knew it... SIX teeth fell out! I was in tears at this point. I turned to Charlie as he was driving and I said, "LOOK! My teeth are falling out! Six teeth fell out! What is wrong with me and why is this happening? Does it look bad?" Knowing all too well this looked HORRIBLE! I was hoping Charlie would reassure me, even if he had to lie, "Oh my gosh! Yes, it looks horrible! You will need to get veneers as soon as we get home! I cannot have a wife without teeth! You look homely and gross!" I was literally in tears as we pulled in the drive way. I gathered my teeth and put them in my pocket. (I am literally laughing out loud as I type and recall this!) We get our luggage and all "3" kids in the house... Charlie says he has to run and do something down the street, so he jumps back in the car and leaves. I go inside our house (which happens to be the house I grew up in), worried he is going to see a girlfriend who has all her teeth. Our dog was so happy to see us... he was barking and barking (we do not currently own a dog). It was a little brown and black fluffy thing. Not sure of it's name. But it was a male. Anyways, so I laid the baby down on the bed, and Lake, who was 8 years old, and Lennon, who was 4, started to play with their toys in my room. The dog had wound it's leash around the baby's fat neck and I was stressing trying to get it unwound before it choked the baby, when Charlie burst through the door. He locked the door in a hurry and seemed frantic. He said, in a nervously scared voice, "Lock all the doors and windows! Where are the kids? Keep them away from the windows!" I now started to panic, and said, gathering Lake and Lennon onto the bed, "What is going on?!" Before Charlie could get it out of his mouth, a loud bang slammed against our window. It startled us all. We all gasped! The dog is going crazy and I am trying to calm it down and keep it away from the window. I looked out the window, wishing I had drawn the curtains. There were all these vampire children clawing and screaming trying to get in. The little girl children had bright red lipstick on, and it was smearing on the window as they showed their teeth... Now that I think of it, it might have been blood. Either way, it was freaking scary!! Charlie said, paniced, "They were chasing me... all those vampire children... I got here as fast as I could!" I yelled, trying not to scare my kids anymore than they already were, "What are going to do?!" And then I woke up.
Do you think dreams really mean something? Why did I have another child and a dog in this dream and what is with the vampire CHILDREN. Please, if you have any clue what is going on with my teeth falling out... I need to know!
Ok... onto happy thoughts:
Last night, Lake told me, "Mommy... I love Lennon the most, then daddy, then you, and Jesus and I love myself." It makes me laugh that he chooses who he loves "most". I was very proud of him saying he loved himself. I think that is a good start down the right road. Also, he has started opening the door for me and Lennon and closing it behind us, all the while telling us, "Ladies first! I am a gentleman! Gentlemen open the doors for the ladies." He is going to make someone a good husband one day.
Something else about my booger.... He had his little friend, Silas over the other day. I had the pool set up so they could swim and let me and Lennon stay indoors. Silas' dad was out there watching them... just in case you were about to call CPS on me. Anyways, after all the swimming was done, his dad came in and told me of the conversation these two 4 year old boys were having. He wasn't sure who started the conversation, and assured me it was probably his son. He said Silas will bring up the cross at any time. I told him, have no fear, Lake will ask you if you know Jesus and the story of the cross at any time. My point is, the conversation went something like this:
Lake> "Did you know Jesus died on the cross?"
Silas> "Yes. Do you know why he died?"
Lake> "Yes. He died for us and for the bad people too."
Silas> "He died for our sins."
Lake> "Did you know the stone was rolled away?"
Silas> "Yes, and Jesus was not dead anymore."
Lake> "Yeah. Jesus is still alive."
I may not have gotten it perfect, but that was the basics of this 4 year old conversation. Do I even have to tell you how amazing that feels to know that is on my son's mind?
Just last week, Lake put me in my place. He has these Christmas pajamas. They have snowmen and reindeer on them and he wants to wear them all the time. I keep trying to tell him to wear some of his new pajamas but it doesn't fair well with him. He told me, "Mommy, I want to wear these pajamas." I said, "Baby, those are Christmas pajamas, and Christmas is over." He told me, "Christmas is when we celebrate Jesus' birthday." I said, "Yes, that is right." Then he told me, "We should celebrate Jesus everyday." So I let him wear the Christmas pajamas.
I know I have said it before but this kid has my heart.
OK so that is basically what is on my mind today as my children take naps.
Please explain my dream if you have any clue as to what it meant!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
- You might have 5 bad years, but 50-60 good good years. Don't give up.
- Marriage is work.
- You cannot be a good parent if your marriage is not great.
- Marriage is like a pair of shears, severing anything that tries to come between them.
With that being said, we decided to take a little time away.... after 4 months on bed rest, 7 weeks in the hospital, our infant having open heart surgery and me being cooped up in this house for weeks... this was a much needed getaway for the sake of our sanity and future. We simply drove to Madison, MS. We spent a few hours shopping and had dinner. It was so much fun. I felt like I was doing something wrong by not being at home with my children. The Dr had cleared my in laws to stay with the kids and they graciously did so. My husband keeps me laughing constantly. We laughed about everything and each other the entire time. It's funny how you start to know each others thoughts. Now, I just hope we don't start looking like one another. Unless, I am going to grow a few inches.
One thing we got so tickled about was our waiter. He was very ADD. He talked entirely too much, but he was funny so it wasn't a big deal. Our dinner was fabulous! We noticed while we were waiting on our ticket that everyone else's table had bread. Now, being bread connoisseurs, we were a little annoyed we didn't get bread before our meal. We looked on our table and there were the cracked pepper and spices, along with the oil for dipping. So, when he returned to fill my water, I asked, "What is this oil and spice for?" He looked like a deer in headlights. "Oh my gosh. I am so sorry, that was for your appetizer, bread." Charlie said, because we needed more calories, "Oh, well does that come with the meal? Or do you order it?" It came with the meal, so I said, "We would like some." Nothing like eating your appetizer bread after you have finished your entire meal. Trust me, when I say, we didn't leave a crumb.... we didn't leave a crumb. Our waiter even gave us a free dessert since he forgot our bread. Score! He brought us the one he thought we needed to try. Obviously, we look too skinny and needed to put on a few pounds.
This whole little getaway was just what the Dr ordered. I highly suggest any married couple making sure you date one another on a regular basis. It is necessary for a long happy marriage. You gotta work on falling in love with each other over and over. If not, you will be working on falling out of love with each other, over and over. There is no middle, in my book.
Now, other parental duties, aside of working on my marriage, include working on my kids. Today, Charlie came home a bit early from work to watch Lennon while I took Lake to get his shots for pre-K. I have been telling him he would be getting them. He responded with, "Why would you do that to me mommy?" Ok, so that broke my heart! I did my best to explain to him that if he wanted to not be sick and end up in the hospital he had to get them. He understood and with a promise of a new toy afterwards for being a big boy, he obliged. As if he had a choice. (insert evil laugh here) So after the screaming was over, we went to Toys R Us as promised and he picked out a toy. It is called Sky Ball. It has two paddles and a bouncy ball that is supposed to go as far as 75 feet when hit. He picked out the orange and blue paddles with the silver ball. He told me that, if he had gotten the orange ball, it would turn into flames when he hit it. At first I was like, what in the world is he talking about. Then I noticed on the paddle, the emblem of "sky ball":
He honestly thought it would start flaming. I guess that is why he chose the silver ball.
Charlie was getting ready to go to the gym tonight and Lake came into the kitchen where I was cleaning up from dinner. He told me, "Mommy, I am going to need you to carry me. Daddy is going to work out and since Lennon is going to bed, I need you to carry me because my legs hurt from the shots." He really makes me laugh. He also proceeded to tell me, "I cannot take a bath. My band aids will come off and where they poked holes in my skin, water will get in me." I hate to have to tell him, he is 80% water anyway. He is petrified of those band aids coming off. He thinks he is going to bleed to death or something will get in there. He really has an imagination. It doesn't stop there. He has been telling me for a week, he is going to work at the paper mill, like Mr Brandon. He is so intrigued by this paper mill and it's stench. Should I be worried?
I always sing silly songs to him. The other day I was singing "Stinky Boy" to the tune of "Come Thou Fount". He immediately said, "Are you singing a church song?" I love that he has paid enough attention the music I play to know the tune and the lyrics to what I was singing do not match. He even knew that was a church song. Love him!
My Booger has become quite the little flirt. The other day, after his last wee ball game, he wanted to go to his favorite place to eat... CiCi's Pizza. As much as I hate to admit, I could eat my weight in their Taco Pizza. The young girl taking our money at the door said, noticing his uniform, "Did you have a game today?" Well that was all he needed... he told her about his game, him hitting a home run, running the bases, and that it was his last game. He went on and on about it. She, of course, encouraged every bit. Once we sat down at the table to eat, Charlie said, "I think that girl liked you." Lake laughed and said, "She did." Well, after that, he went out of his way to get her to look at him again, casually walking near the cash register when we were refilling our already too full bellies with more pizza. When we were leaving, he wanted to go out the entrance instead of the exit. He nearly broke his neck looking around to see if she was looking at him. It's already starting. I am no longer the leading lady in his life. He even told me he loved Lennon more than me. The nerve of him!
I was giving Lady Lennon a bath tonight. She has only had two real baths. One was after we brought her home when she was 16 days old, before she went into congestive heart failure. Ugh, those words just bring back terrible memories of stress and fear. The second was this week, once her biggest scab fell off. Tonight was her third real bath. She really did love it. I had her smiling at first then she got too comfortable and nearly fell asleep. I did manage to get a few pictures of the little fat girl in her birthday suit.
Look at that belly. I love every inch of it! Her scar is almost invisible in the middle. However, since she loves to arch her back and try to roll over, she burst open her sutures at the top and the bottom. The top is much worse than the bottom. It is so big. They tell me it will get smaller as she gets older. I try to put her in cute little sundresses, but the ugly thing peeks out. I guess I shouldn't hate it... I mean, without it, she wouldn't be here. So, yeah, it's not "ugly", it was necessary. I am ok with the trade off.
Well, that is about it for my parental duties today. The kids are in the bed, the husband is working on his hot bod at the gym and I am done cleaning for the evening. Time to put the clean sheets on the bed and make good use of them. Or as those rednecks like to say, "I'm about to get horizontal." Now that I have said that, I hope they were just talking about sleep.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
We went to get a pizza from Fox's tonight. I am not kidding when I say the air outside that place smelled like dog doo doo. Then you would get a whiff of cigarettes. Charlie and I got so tickled at how bad it stunk. I said, "It smells like dog dooky and cigarettes." Charlie said, "If dog dooky could smoke a cigarette, it would smell just like this." Lake said, "It's probably the mill." Charlie said, "No, bud. If that was what the mill smelled like, no one would live here." This stuff made the mill smell like roses.
On the way home from getting the pizza, Charlie said, "I thought of Lennon today when Brother Tom gave a scripture in his message." I said, knowing I was about to cry because I am an emotional idiot when it comes to my kids, "Oh really? What scripture and what did it say?" He answered, already having it pulled up on his iPhone, "Psalm 139:13-14... For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows that very well." I sat with tears rolling down my face as we rolled on down the road. Charlie started laughing, "Are you crying?!" I said, laughing as well, because we both know how emotional I am, "Yes!" Then, Lake said, "Why are you crying?" I said, "Happy tears, booger. They are happy tears."
I was crying because, I was picturing Lennon, a teenager, in her bedroom, sprawled out on her turquoise painted iron bed... the bed I painted for her... fashion magazines laying around, some open and some not... her radio going and her foot bobbing to the music. She is reading her bible. She is reading this scripture to herself, as she questioned why she was the way she was. I didn't picture her sad, I pictured her smiling and reassured, with a peace in her heart. That made me so happy, thinking of her loving herself just the way she was, just as we love her, and just perfectly made the way God wanted her to be.
So many of my fears about the future have been replaced with joy and contentment. I see how happy she is now, learning to smile and getting excited when she sees me or when I am taking her out of her bed in the morning. She lights up my life. This is only the beginning.
With that being said, I am so protective of her. I know I have said this before but I just do not understand people's obsession with Lennon's "looks". This lady said just yesterday, "I didn't see it when her eyes were open, but yeah, when her eyes are closed I see it." I played dumb and said, "What? That she has her daddy's little eyes? Yeah, she looks just like him." Hoping she would change the subject, but no, the idiot continued, "No, the uhm, you know... I couldn't see it when she had her eyes open, but when they are closed, yeah I see it.. in her face and eyes. Yeah, it's pretty obvious." I mean, seriously?! The uhm... she couldn't even say it.. Downs, lady... it's called Down Syndrome....I nearly said a few dirty words to her... Why does it matter if you can see it or not and why the blank do you feel the need to point it out?! Oh my!! What is wrong with people?! That was hands down, the rudest thing I have ever encountered.
Ok enough of rude people, my blood pressure is going up thinking about it... back to my wonderfully and fearfully made blessing. She is perfect and through everything, I can honestly say I wouldn't trade all this for a "normal" child. She is just what God ordered and I am perfectly happy with that! I love it. Love love love it! Now, if other people would just get on board.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Lake and Lady Lennon have and will continue to change the way I view the world. When I had Lake, I became more aware of my surroundings, became a little more paranoid... basically I became a mother. Not necessarily my mother, because she is paranoid to the point of never getting on a plane or boat for fear it will surely end her life. (Yet, she smokes? I guess a slow suicide is better.) In the short while I have had Lennon, I have become more emotional, more loving, less materialistic. I know this is only the beginning to all I am going to learn through the eyes of my children.
The day I was driving to New Orleans, following the ambulance that carried my 5 week old daughter, I was on the phone with one of my dearest friends. She asked me, "Will you tell your children about your past drug abuse?" My answer was "No. I won't lie if I am directly asked, but I will not tell all, and I will not divulge any details." A few years ago, I was going to tell Lake everything, when he was old enough. Then it hit me. My dad was in an out of rehab before he graduated high school. I will leave it at that because I do not want to slander his good name. He was a great man, who loved me with his entire being. However, he loved drinking more. To the point of dying in a car accident due to his alcohol consumption. Since I was a child, as far back as I can remember, I knew my parents drank too much and consumed other substances when they were younger. I believe since I was subjected to these things, and to this knowledge of their actions, I became desensitized to the power these things can have over a person's life. I also never went through D.A.R.E.... but something tells me that hasn't stopped a lot of teens today. I think being subjected to these things made me think, without realizing I was thinking it, "Addiction, I am too strong for that. I won't get caught up in the heavy stuff." Little did I know, I am not exempt. I was strong enough, and smart enough, to pull myself out of that hole, but there are people that are not that strong. Actually, that is not true... they just don't realize how strong they are. Anyone can beat it.... where there's a will, there is most definitely a way. I chose God's will and His way.
I guess what I am saying is, I have to be careful of what I subject my children to. I want them to be sensitive to things... To be aware that they too, are not exempt. I want them to be a little paranoid. A little bit of paranoia and caution could save their life. Maybe my dad should have been a little more paranoid or a little more cautious. Maybe I should have taken my parents' life as a lesson of what "not" to do, instead of an example of what "to" do. "Why not? Mom and dad did it". However, when you are a kid, the only thing you want is to be just like your parents when you grow up. At least most kids do. I know Lake wants to be just like his daddy. He wants to play golf and build swing sets. He wants to be funny and make people laugh. He wants to be smart and know things. He wants to run like his mommy. (I say that with a hardy laughter, because I can't run further than the refridgerator these days.)
My children are little sponges, and it is my job as my kids' parent to guard and monitor what information they soak up. I have prayed, since Lake was in my belly, the same prayer. I will continue to pray this same prayer over Lake and Lennon until the day I die.
Lord, guard and strengthen their mind, so that they retain the things they should and block out the things they shouldn't. Lord, bless their ears, so that they hear well and that they hear Your voice above all. Lord, bless their eyes, so that they see You in every situation. Lord, bless their heart, so that they store Your Word in it, ready to recall it to memory as needed. Lord, bless their heart so that it longs after You and chases after You all the days of their life. Lord, bless their hands, so that they may do Your works and bring glory to You and Your Kingdom. Lord, bless their feet, so that they may follow in the footsteps of Christ all the days of their life.
I know that if there is one thing I do right in this world, it will be that I raised my kids to put Jesus first, above all. That the Lord's way is the only way. I know I am the most important example they will ever have. They will model their marriage after mine, they will model their life after mine. I just want to make sure I am setting the best example I can. If not, I have failed at everything.
Just a little of what I was thinking about today.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
In an attempt to get rid of this post baby body and get back into my old wardrobe AND get ready for Cancun, I am Zumba'ing it up. What I have learned so far: Zumba and Carpet do not mesh. OK. So, I know I told you I was uncoordinated. That was no joke. I nearly had our flooring for dinner. My tennis shoes did not want to move across the carpet as swift as my body was trying to move with the dvd. I tripped, but caught myself. Whew! I ended up moving to the dining room area. The wood floor was so much easier to Zumba on. I really want to start back running, and I did attempt it once last week. Boy, if that doesn't depress you, nothing will. When I last ran, I was running 13 miles non-stop. That was back in early 2009. Now, I cannot even run 13 seconds without getting side cramps! I know it will all come back with a lot of hard work.
Yesterday, I was laughing at my own thoughts....I tend to think I am pretty funny. I had just finished my Zumba workout for the day and Lennon was fussing the last few minutes because she was ready for a nap. After I finished, I picked her up to put her down for her nap. (picked her up to put her down - that could be a country song) I dripped sweat on her chest. Oops! I remembered the days where I was dripping tears on her chest as we prepared for her heart surgery. Praise the Lord, those days are over.
I am completely convinced Lady Lennon is the most beautiful girl on the planet. Now this is just my observation, not me being her parent. This morning, I was researching modeling for Down Syndrome... I think she would be a great poster child for it one day. If not now. I came across this site ... this person is a photographer. I hope you all will look at these beautiful kids. I love the name she has for her blog "A Little Extra" ... in reference to the extra chromosome. Clever. Very clever.Sometimes I want people to keep their two cents to themselves. Someone told me they "knew a Down Syndrome guy that lived to be 50 and that is a long time". As if I had not done the research on the life expectancy. I know that is considered "old" in DS years but it broke my heart to think I might outlive my daughter. Then I got even more upset that I am going back to work in a few weeks and that will be more hours of every day I do not get to spend with her. I love modern medicine, and I am very thankful that they are improving the life of these amazing people and I hope they continue to do so. I want her around when I am 100.... I know I will live to be 100 (unless the rapture takes place) because it is in my genes.... my great great grandmother was 103, her daughter was 100 and my grandmother is still kickin in her mid-late 80s... now my mom may end that streak because she is a smoker, but it will pick back up with me.
Well, my little bug is getting chunkier every day. She finally has learned to listen to her stomach.... meaning, she is getting hungry and fussy so momma's gotta get off the computer and fill her belly full of formula and rice cereal.