I was looking at my iPhone trying to find music to listen to that was kid-friendly and upbeat while he swam. My face was buried in my phone, when Lake appeared beside me and said, "Mommy, quit looking at your phone and watch me." He was right, I was so side-tracked on finding the perfect song or play list that he had been trying to do a "trick" in his pool and I was not paying attention. He never ceases to point out that he is not getting the attention he deserves. I love that about him. He keeps me honest.
I think God is sometimes like that. He will do what He has to in order to get our attention. He just wants us to pay attention to Him. I was so glad to have rotated Sundays with Charlie today. It was his turn to stay home with Lennon while I went to church. Lake was so excited I was going, "Mommy!! YOU are taking me to church today!?" As much as that makes me so happy it breaks my heart the same. He misses doing things with his mommy, and having a normal life. We have tried to make it as normal as possible since we got home. My Booger went 6 weeks without normalcy or his parents. No kid should ever go through that. I have to believe that God protected his heart from being bitter or resenting Lennon. I know that, because yesterday after swimming, he laid one of My Bug's blankets on the floor and laid on it. Then, he told me, "Mommy, I want you to lay Lennon beside me and take a picture of us." This morning, I was giving her meds and he said, "She really is so cute." Just in case we didn't hear him, he repeated, "She is so cute."
So at church this morning, I dropped him off at the kids' church and I went into the adult service. I sat with my sister and one of my closest friends. Pastor Tom, taught from a lot of different scriptures this morning. However, the one that I got stuck on was John 6. Not for sermon-ish reasons. More like trailing off into ADHD land and thinking something so random that had NOTHING to do with God or the lesson being taught. In John 6, Jesus fed the 5000 bread and fish - from 2 loaves of bread and 5 fish. Yes, this is a miracle and I am forever amazed... however, this morning, all I could think about was "Did they cook those fish? I never read where they cooked them. They just passed the baskets around. Surely they didn't eat raw fish. Did they have scales? Then again, I eat raw fish in my sushi. Did they have sushi back then? No that was mostly in Asia." If you get my drift, this was a long thought and before I knew it, I had missed most the sermon! Ugh, I hate when I do that. I did hear him say one other thing, so I wrote, well, typed it on my phone so I wouldn't forget it: Lord, make me aware of the brokenness and help me to do something about it. Mercy will rule over judgement.
Speaking of brokenness.... Before the preaching, we had praise and worship. To me, I can't just jump into a sermon or God's word without preparing my heart. And I love singing to and about my Savior. The band was playing the tune to a song while my pastor was speaking, and my sister leaned over to me and said, "This song makes me cry so hard I cannot finish the lyrics." I said, "What?! What song is this? I don't recognize it." At that point I realized it has been a very long time since I was in church on a Sunday. I had been on bed rest since January with my pregnancy. I obviously didn't have this song on my iPod. I also thought, there is a good chance I am going to cry very hard during this song, because of a few reasons: I am an overly emotional person. If it is about God's unfailing love for me, it's overwhelming. I just had a baby and went through a heck of a lot in the last few weeks. So, the song started and about the second time through the chorus, I was all but sitting myself down and wailing. I kept my composure as much as I could, biting the inside of my cheek, but I know my makeup was running! Good thing I wore waterproof mascara.
So here I am, listening to this song now and I am still emotional over it. I know my place in this world... it's at the feet of my Savior, washing His feet with my tears. One of my favorite parts of this song is the part where it says "Arrested by Your truth". This morning, I had a weird image or picture of myself, arms lifted high, with the word TRUTH around my wrists like handcuffs. I have been arrested before.... but this was more humbling, because I deserved that arrest, but I don't deserve my God's love. Yet, He still finds me worthy of His time. So, with that on my heart this afternoon, I want to be more attentive to My God's needs, along with the needs of my husband and children. I believe the three come hand in hand.
TO KNOW YOUR NAME
The precious blood of Jesus Christ redeems,
Forgiven I'm alive, restored set free.
Your Majesty resides inside of me,
Forever I believe, forever I believe.
Arrested by Your truth and righteousness,
Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness.
Convicted by your spirit, led by Your word,
Your love will never fail, Your love will never fail.
Cause I know You gave the world
Your only son for us
To know Your name
To live within the Saviour's love
And He took my place
Knowing He'd be crucified.
And You loved,
You loved, A people undeserving!