Friday, May 14, 2010

Confessions

I am a terrible cook. I try to be all creative-like and it just comes back to bite me in the hiney. I probably should stick to mac-n-cheese. You can't really mess that up. Example: I am addicted to Jaime's homemade granola bars. So, she gave me the recipe and I made them. I followed every step exactly as I was told. They taste like cardboard, with cranberries and chocolate chips. I also tried to make her homemade wheat tortillas, in an effort to be more domesticated and healthy. These turned out much too grainy, and too much like a cracker. Please, throw me a bone!

I look back on my life sometimes and I thank God for unanswered prayers. Once upon a time, I was a college student and broke as a joke (whatever that means). I had a measly little job that allowed me to have some sort of cash flow for the weekends, but other than that, I was going to school full time. Well, I wouldn't say "going full time". I was enrolled as a full time student. Going was optional back then. Anyways, I wanted more than anything to have enough money to waste on a tattoo... I was certain Marvin The Martian would be a favorite of mine forever. My how things change.

I am no lyrical genius. I leave all that to my former member of Shoo Fly Pi / husband, Charlie. However, I am darn good at singing the lyrics to songs incorrectly. Rhianna's "Disturbia" I mistakenly sang "Stir Me Up" for months. Just a few weeks ago, I realized, "No one on the corner has swagger like us" is NOT "standing on the corner swinging like rocks" - I never really understood what that meant, and now I know why.
I like everything in two ways... excessive or not at all. I hate onions. Will not eat anything with them in or on it. I will indeed gag and vomit. No exaggeration. I love mustard. I dip my crackers, fries and nuggets in it. Butter is fabulous on cornbread. So fabulous that I must have a cold piece, of butter on each BITE of cornbread. I will butter each bite before I eat it. This is extremely good for you - if high cholesterol is on your bucket list. My motto: Go big or not at all. Obviously, this motto bled into my weight goals. It also applies to the accessories on Lady Lennon's head.
Exhibit A:

I know she will hate me for this when she is a teenager. Newsflash: this is only the beginning to things she is going to hate me for. Bows and flower pots on her head will seem like such minor issues when she is 16. Today, Lennon had a little upset tummy due to some sinus drainage. It made her throw up her milk. I however do not plan on changing her clothes a million times today. So, I put a bib on her. Now, I know what you are thinking, how is a tiny bib going to solve this issue? Well, when the bib is almost as big as the baby, it does.

Exhibit B:

Yes, I realize this is a Halloween bib. But it was ok, we weren't leaving the house.

I have always wanted to adopt a child. That has not changed. Charlie and I both want another child and getting pregnant again is not an option. Note to self: Schedule Charlie a vasectomy. There was a point in my younger years where I swore I would NEVER have children. I dare to say, there were people who thought, "She might not should ever have children." But, people change and so do their hearts. So I have two kiddos and I want another. I grew up in a big family. I am the oldest of 5, and I loved having a house full of people... most days. On the way to New Orleans, Charlie and I tossed around names that start with an L for our next blessing.... a blessing that will not come for many many many many years. The names we tossed around: Larry, Leon, Leo, Leeto, Laz, Lorne, Lex, Lew. We settled on Lew.

I want to write a book. From week to week, this book title changes based on subject matter. This week I thought to myself, surely I could write a book titled: "You might be a douche bag if..." based solely on people I come across in everyday life. Charlie quickly informed me at some point in that book I might offend everyone. So, I decided against that book.

I am really bored today.

2 comments:

Bellabug said...

ROFLOL!!! I laughed all the way through this one!!!

Jaime C Mitchell said...

WoW... the last 3 sentences were by far my favorite... nothing like having a man of wisdom in your life... Oh and I should let you note that the words "I must have a cold piece, of butter on each BITE of cornbread." actually literally (said in Lake's voice)...literally... made me GAG. You are disgusting and your cholesterol hates you. The comma hates you too... cuz you just misused it... But ANYWAY, I love you and surely you suck at making my granola bars because you know you wanna come back and see me soon to get some :-) xoxo